The Big Foot Revelation

Unnaturally long, terribly wide at the front, with crooked toes, but for loads of hair, my feet could give hobbits a severe complex!

[Rewinding to my childhood]

I remember that as a small kid, whenever I needed new shoes or slippers, my mother always looked like her soul had been sucked out of her! My feet were dementors that no shoe shop salesman had a patronus charm for!

Pretty slippers? What are those? Flats? But my feet touch the ground on either side of the slipper; what’s the point of wearing them? Floaters? Do I look like a man to you?

A weak patronus charm conjured… Ugly wedges with extremely wide straps to “hide those wide feet and crooked toes”!

School shoes shopping. Hmmm… Should be fun… Black shoes? Size 8? Like EIGHT? Yes. E.I.G.H.T. Size seven is last, your wide feet will enlargen it, don’t worry.

Wow, what a ray of sunshine.

White shoes? Oh no problem! The boys section has size 8 and above all the time. Anyway white shoes are the same for boys and girls.

*Poker face*

[Fast forwarding to my teenage and adulthood]

Yes, this is a pretty design (smiles, showing bedazzling yellow teeth). I’ll get your size, madam. You there, get me a size 6 in this one. Yes madam, what? Bigger size? Really? 7? No? 8? Like EIGHT? Er… Show your feet, madam. Oh (smiling painfully now).

*Facepalm*

[Presently]

Some realizations kick in pretty late. In my case, I failed to understand the hidden agenda behind my humongous feet. Twenty two years thus, and here's the moment of revelation, almost Bilbo Baggins style!

*Mindbulb*

I’m a peacock! A peacock is so beautiful, and it’s feet so ugly. But who cares! It’s a peacock! I just need to open my plumage, shake off some dirt, and then take flight!

*Slapface*

I just plan a trip and get my big feet there. And so I shall… Unknown place, here I come – may your lands bask in my very big footsteps…

*Patback*

So here comes the peacock with hobbit feet and superiority complex issues and Bilbo Baggins-like thirst for adventure, shaking the dirt off its royal plumage...